once brushed his teeth with a power drill. But even Einstein (who, according to geek mythology, bagged Marilyn Monroe) would not have overlooked these facts; even Einstein’s brain, pickling in jar at Princeton, would be able to grasp the infinitudinous import of these two simple facts, which now hung over Denis’ huge head like a sword of Damocles -- or to the non-honors graduates, like a sick fart.
“The two incontrovertible, insurmountable, damn sad facts were these:
“Beth Cooper was the head cheerleader;
Denis Cooverman was captain of the debate team.”
And so, in his valedictory speech Denis decides to use his unrequited, unstated, unpossible love for Beth Cooper as a turning point in his speech’s finale.
“I loved you but I never told you, because we hardly ever spoke. But now I say it, with no regrets.
“And so. let us all too, say the things we have longed to say but our tongues would not.” Suffice it to say that the rest of Denis’ speech is somewhat embarrassing to himself and others and no one, least of all Beth Cooper in the audience of fellow grads, has any idea what he hoped to accomplish. In real life, I suppose things would end there.
But, instead, Denis and his maybe-gay best friend get a chance to spend an evening with Beth and her friends that is as wild as any teen movie ever filmed. Indeed one of the book’s gimmicks is that every chapter is headed by a picture of Denis (more about that in a moment) and a quote from some epic, teen movie of the past.
The only stopper I found to the constant stream of funniness in the book was that the amount of damage taken by Denis became so unbelievable as to, for me anyway, break a bit of my suspension of disbelief so needed in reading such a story. Denis gets hit by everything from a toaster to a fist to being in
a bad car accident. As the story progresses each chapter of the book is headed by an illustration (by artist Evan Dorkin) showing the story so far in the cuts, bruises and contusions sustained by Denis during his night of insanity. (We’ve reproduced a few of these interior illustrations here.)
a bad car accident. As the story progresses each chapter of the book is headed by an illustration (by artist Evan Dorkin) showing the story so far in the cuts, bruises and contusions sustained by Denis during his night of insanity. (We’ve reproduced a few of these interior illustrations here.)Problem is that Denis shows no real signs of pain throughout the book. A few ouches here and there. But it’s rather like a Daffy Duck cartoon where Daffy carries a stick of dynamite which explodes and burns away all of his feathers leaving him a plucked duck. But, the next scene he’s back to his black-plumaged self.
Still and all, I have to say that I LOVE YOU, BETH COOPER puts me in mind of some of the great past writers of such books. Max Shulman and his character Dobie Gillis spring immediately to mind. Though, of course, even Maynard G. Krebbs would blush scarlet at a few of the scenes herein. I’m predicting that given author Larry Doyle’s contacts in Hollywood (he now works for The New Yorker but was a former writer for “The Simpsons” TV show) we may well see a screen adaptation of this book very soon. It’s the sort of book where a movie may not be quite as good -- but different -- and the book and movie together complement each other so that the story itself becomes a classic.
Hey, enough analysis of this fun novel! Read it and tell us over in the Forums how hard it made you laugh (or not)!
I LOVE YOU, BETH COOPER by Larry Doyle is published by HarperCollins Publishers. $19.95 Hardcover.
